Callum knew he wanted to be a leopard for halloween six months before "candy day" was officially here. It wasn't until the day of that he decided that we also needed to dress up to Trick or Treat with him. Last year, he barely made it down the block, his construction worker toolbelt weighed down by Pat The Hammer, he retired after only a few houses. This year, he was ready to party. His ask of me was simple. That I dress as a ghost. Unlike a friend of ours whose 3-year old told her father that he needed to be "garden mulch," this would not require much imagination. One old sheet from Arc Value Village and a pair of scissors later, I was a ghost. C asked Y to be a witch.
A bit more complex, especially for someone with her over-achiever crafty nature. Green face wouldn't do. She needed a hat, a wig and proper makeup. She also needed a broom. Without the right witchy attire on hand, I was hopeful that Uber would be able to deliver a last minute option, perhaps some old standby costumes to choose from. I happily took advantage of their genius "costume on demand" service and called for our special delivery.
What would this candy corn car deliver, we wondered? Witches? Pumpkins? Vampires? Equipped with its very own makeup artist, we'd be ready to walk around the block in no time. Yvette was excited, we quickly found the toddler some shoes and waited outside for our delivery.
The costume arrived, tucked away in a box, its contents unknown. "Everyone gets a mystery costume, you don't get to choose," which didn't sit well with Crafty. The makeup artist started working on Y's face right away, which yielded absolutely no clues as to which outfit awaited us. He's using sparkles, he's using pink! My Little Pony? Should we go as Bronies? Silence. Apparently none of the Uber folk spoke nerd. We said goodbye to our Uber team and rushed inside to see what fate had brought us.
What we pulled out of the box was certainly unexpected. And definitely not safe for trick or treating. Yvette refused to try it on. The Uber gods had bestowed upon us a "Sexy Ref" outfit. The team did not miss the "all women want sexy costumes" memo and we had fallen into the trap. There are only three costumes to choose from if you have boobs. Sexy Nurse, Sexy Zombie, Sexy Ref. I now know that Uber's core audience is a size 2 and in their early 20's. I decided to try on the costume, which gave sexy ref a whole new meaning. You know what's sexy, Uber? When Melissa McCarthy holds customers hostage inside a Foot Locker.
You'll be happy to know that I did not wear the above outfit outside. I did leave the house later that night as Tootsie, however. Tootsie, nowhere to be found on the list of sexiest Halloween costumes, showed very little leg but a lot of heart.
She even had her big reveal moment. Good day, Dr Brewster. I said good day Sir!