When listening to someone recount their dream, it's probably best to stick with a simple, five second overview. Once you start telling me how big your teeth were or how you were taken by surprise by your ability to shoot Skittles out of your ass, you've crossed a line. Some simple rules to live by when you absolutely must talk about your vivid David Lynch lucid dreaming experience:
1. Keep it short, like so.
I had sex with Carrot Top last night. I'm blaming VH1's "Where Are They Now" for the underwhelming tryst.
2. Think of it like a Haiku. Tell me your dream in three melodic phrases. If it rhymes, you get bonus points. Stick to the 5-7-5 rule and I might just give you extra time to tell me about that third eye you sprouted after you drank the poison tea in the house that looked like your house, but wasn't your house.
I ate sushi roll
I lived in a piece of toast
Lohan smelled like smoke
3. Never, under any circumstance, try to analyze the dream while simultaneously recounting it.
So, I felt really bad for the gorilla that was chained up. Maybe it was a monkey. Or an orangutan. Are they gorillas or monkeys? Anyway, it was monkey-like. I just wanted to help set it free, but instead of hands, I had oven mitts. I had no fingers so I couldn't grab the key, you know? Do you think I'm watching too much Top Chef? Maybe I just feel really inadequate when it comes to baking. What do you think?
A good example of a dream recounted that breaks many, many rules. Special thanks to the ginbomb for being such a good sport.
