I feel so geriatric these days.
Just picked up my shiny new glasses (that I'm now required to wear at all times, not just when I feel like it) coupled with the fact that I'm actually watching and looking forward to Dancing With The Stars on a regular basis has really upped my senior citizen status. The show should consider sponsorship by Benefiber or Metamucil next season, which would fit nicely with the core demographic I do believe. Present company excluded, of course.
One of the celeb contestants on Stars has given me nightmares two weeks running, yet I keep coming back for more. Last week I dreamed that I had a mouth full of caps, Steve O style, that fell out after I was asked to shimmy myself across a pit of hungry alligators, hanging upside down, rope between my knees. I watched as the gators snapped up each giant pearly white, one by one and then woke up in a sweaty panic. I've read a lot about "losing teeth" in dreams and it's normally thought to be stress related. In my case, I believe it's a direct reflection of my inability to understand why anyone, even someone as devoid of brain cells as Steve O, would willingly opt for teeth the size of floor tiles. He scares me. More than a little.
This week, I decided to ignore the Steve O routine all-together, so as not to give my brain any fodder for REM sleep. I'm now worried that I'll wind up in bed with Steve Wozniak instead. He'll pick me up on his Segway for a hot date at Bob's Big Boy, long stem rose clenched between his teeth - and then force me to naked tango with him in the parking lot. Poor Woz. One day, the geeks shall inherit the earth. Until then, the hot French guy from the Sex in the City movie has the world in the palm of his studly hands. My money's on Gille to go all the way, with Melissa from The Bachelor giving him a good run for his money. I continue to be impressed by Lil' Kim. Mostly, I watch just to see how people will pronounce her name. One minute, she's being called Kim, the next, someone's called her "Little" Kim. I don't believe I've heard the proper use of the apostrophe once. That would be Lil' Kim, Bruno. Lil'. As in NIL. As in, she's had more than just a LIL' plastic surgery in order to achieve the Latoya Jackson look she's currently sporting.
Latoya:
Lil':
