Never before has an episode of The Bachelorette been so hyped. Bloggers and faithful followers everywhere have been speculating for weeks about who the fantasy suite flop would be - going as far as analyzing stills and body hair from the previews and then matching the room to the proper hotel chain in Maui. Even I'm not that CSI about the whole thing. Geez.
Given Kryptonite's homo status (takes one to know one, people) I was sure that he'd be the wet noodle in this hunky reality pad thai. He certainly must have been able to draw an elaborate mental picture of Jake wearing flamenco pants, in order to get the puff tent to cooperate on command. Kudos to Krypt for not letting his gayness spoil a perfectly good day of pole climbing in Hula land. Well done, you.
I, for one, was happy that it wasn't Reid who couldn't *show* Jillian how he felt about her. Sure, he might not have the words she was looking for, but who needs words when your penis can speak the international language? After all his charming Spanglish and pantomiming in Spain, I developed a real affinity for the guy.
Let the Team Reid t-shirt empire begin.
Jillian, you crazy wingnut! Why must you disappoint the masses by picking the hairy boring guy who wears short shorts? Did you see that little green marble bag he had on? He's lucky the boys didn't pop out for their own cameo during the cliff jumping shot.
It was the snoozefest ED who lived up to his name in the bedroom. It's possible that the only way ED can get aroused is if he stumbles upon a job posting for a Flash developer. I don't care how tired or sunburned you are. The penis is always willing to party. Right, Patty? After all, this isn't their first date and they need not abide by Millionaire Matchmaker rules. In the land of The Snatch, you must take the Loch Ness Monster for a test drive through Bush Gardens before the deal is done. Let me put this another way ...
If he's not showing you his big lei, then honey, he's just not that into you.
Do I think Jilly picked the wrong hot dog? Yes. Do I think Ed is a closeted kraut & chili cheese dog guy? Definitely. Do I think Kryptonite likes Twinks more than dogs? Oh hell yes. Do I think Reid was the only sincere guy on the show who could also hold an intelligent conversation. Um, you bet your sweet ass I do.
Here's hoping that Reid magically re-appears during the finale, carrying a hot dog with ketchup, after either the gay guy or the boring guy backs out. If not, then I hope he sells some multi-million dollar properties in Philly as a result of being on the show. Come se dice, cha-ching?
