Lesbians need their own clothing line.
I’m not referring to the boys section at Hollister or Abercrombie & Fitch. Some cross between an Ellen Degeneres suit & sneaker line meets beachy business casual would be nice. Have you been shopping for women’s clothing lately? It’s a ridiculous femme explosion out there. I honestly don’t know how many of us manage to clothe ourselves at all.
Went shoe shopping with Y last night because she needed some new kicks for work. Ventured on out to the mall. THE mall. The one with the full-scale roller coaster and amusement park in the middle. We did some serious browsing at Nordstrom, DSW, Steve Madden and a handful of others with spotty results, even for someone who doesn’t cringe at the thought of a three-inch heel. Unlike Y, I was completely out of my element. I felt a bit like Encino Man. Someone had unearthed me after thousands of years in my frozen cube and dropped me off in the women’s shoe department at Nordstrom. I was sheepishly picking things up that resembled stilts, grunting unintelligible things about sling backs and buckles. I'd show them to Y in the same way that my mom would point out clothes she liked when I was little:
Honey, this looks nice. What about these? They don’t have that weird heel you don’t like, right?
As much as my mom tried, she never really got it right. To this day, she still thinks I might need another paisley sweater vest or some pleated slacks from Anne Taylor, circa 1992. This is another unfortunate side effect of her second-hand shopping habit.
Look, if you don’t like it, donate it. What do I care? It was $2 at Red, White and Blue.
I was my mom last night. As much as I tried to look for the right height, the right heel, the right color, the right toe, I was miles away from shoe sleuthing success. I was thousands of years away, to be exact.
What would I do if I were forced to wear some of the more tragic shoes in the store for an entire day? How would I cope? More importantly, how would I walk? This became a new, fascinating game. I made Y take pictures with my crackberry. Would I wear the naughty secretary?
Or the furry Michael Kors, puff-pilgrim booty shoe? Tough times for Jersey in girlie shoe land. Currently thanking my lucky stars that I wasn't the one searching for a new pair.