You've all seen the brave lone dancers. There's bound to be one at almost every event. At karaoke, at the city street festival, at the outdoor concert or the Bar Mitzvah, there's one in every crowd. The lone dancer has been known to lurk quietly and patiently, waiting for the opportunity to get out in front for all to see. I am left with conflicting feelings about the lone dancer - both applauding their chutzpah and utter lack of regard for others around them, while at the same time, cursing them violently for obstructing my view. "Nooooo! If that crazy ass would just sit the fu** down!!! How can you be that moved when no one else is standing! Sit your ass down, you freak!"
My recent run-in with a lone dancer at a Martin Sexton concert left me with an overwhelming desire to know more about what makes these lone dancers tick or in some cases, tone lancers dick. I wanted to get inside of her mind. Why does the lone dancer feel the need to leap up in a sold out theater, when everyone else is seated, and start flailing away? So began my quest to understand the life and psyche of the lone dancer, whom we will now refer to simply as the "LD" from here on out.
After exhausting research and hours and hours of screening LD footage, I've compiled a profile of the typical LD offender, so that we might all develop a deeper understanding.
LD is normally spotted towards the front of any event, making sure to obstruct the view of as many people as possible. Initially, I thought this might be some attempt to make a connection with the musicians themselves, as a way to let their superfan status be known. I've concluded that this is the case in 25% of all LD's. I've termed this the Dancing in the Dark syndrome. LD might be under the false impression that their dancing will get them called up on stage, as seen in the famous 1984 Bruce Springsteen video, featuring Courtney Cox, before the plastic surgery goblins abducted her and turned her into a scary Friend.
LD is almost always a sub-par dancer, but this simple fact does not seem to deter them from seeking solo infamy. The LD normally resorts to the use of arms and hands, raised high above the head, in an attempt to distract viewers from their lack of all rhythm in the lower extremities. LD might also be known to make strange pyramid-like shapes and arm gestures, resembling an ancient Hindi dance. In some extreme cases, LD's bring their own props to events. In this video, spandex man was apparently fired from his day job as an air-traffic-controller and took his rage out on the blissful drum circle.
Lest we forget clapping. LD's like to clap, and they clap often. This is often an attempt to get others to join in, so as not to be the only one having fun at an event. This LD, caught on tape at an outdoor restaurant, suffers from Soloclaphysteria, which can effect one-in-three lone dancers. It's also highly likely to happen after six rum punches on board the Tiki Tour in Cozumel.
The LD, when not seen out on the town, is normally classified by friends as being a take charge type of person. Much like the person who is obsessed with starting "the wave" at sporting events, the LD sees it as his/her personal duty to get others involved in any joyous event where pseudo dancing is a possibility. If they are unable to get others to join in the fun, they are never discouraged. If they can simply touch ONE person with their infectious dance-induced hysteria, they have accomplished what many LD's never experience: complete and utter satisfaction. Watch as this man, who most likely also started the wave in the arena, gets a taste of the lone dancer spotlight.
Contrary to popular belief, the LD is not always an attention seeking wave starter. They are oftentimes moved so deeply by the music, they see the LD option as the only way to truly express their inner-joy and appreciation. In this instance, the LD is inflicted with Bigbandboogieitis Disorder. Woah. Nice hat. Do I spy matching gloves, too? You go, boogie woogie.