It's 10 pm and my girlfriend is now in bed.
Earlier this week, bedtime was 7:30. What had started off as an innocent, tasty nap on the couch before Dancing with the Stars, turned into full REM sleep. I'm quite used to entertaining myself after hours these days. As a matter of fact, I'm watching Chaz Bono explain transgender 101 to Letterman and how he tackles the "men's bathroom" conundrum. An amateur question from a smug Letterman, but I give them both credit for having such an open conversation. Aside from Chaz's poor taste in footwear, I thought the interview likely blew the minds of more than half the population. Good for you, Chaz. You have bocce sized balls, my friend.
For those of you who have been reading this blog (and are not somehow related to me) over the past few years, I wanted to say thank you. I've been on a bit of a hiatus while my real-world job has taken me all over the globe, peddling our savvy facebook wares. It's only now, and in the wee hours, that I have time to crank out my thoughts on everything from A to Zoe. And so, it's with this post that I'll be starting to take a look at new subject matter for the Jersey Girl Genius blog. The whacky and wild world of Pregnancy.
After only two attempts at IUI, Y is now 14 weeks pregnant. Over the past three months, I've learned a few things about pregnancy and pregnant women that I'd never thought about before. Eager to share my mama to be knowledge with you, there's no time like the present to start making lists.
#1. Pregnant women will read an average of 20 gazillion books about being pregnant.
Something funny happens as soon as that faint line on the 20th EPT test turns the slightest shade of fuchsia. Hormones surge. There's one hormone in-particular that sends women to the closest barnes & noble store. The dog-eared copy of the latest David Sedaris book on my nightstand has collected a fine dusty patina, while Y can read about pregnant women the way professional eaters put away Nathan's hot dogs. She's like a character from the tv show Heroes, with a super power for speed reading. Just when she's finished one book, she's on to another. Her appetite for pregnancy prose has left me feeling a tad guilty that I'm not putting down the pages like a true champ. My copy of "She Looks Just Like You" along with "Daddy's Pregnant Too" have become excellent coasters for my water glass. I know I'll pick up speed, but there's lots of time left, right? And besides, why do I need to know everything there is to know, when Y's taking in all of this info, Rain Man style?
#2. Pregnant women worry about the state of their nipples. Often.
I now know that nipples darken to create the perfect bulls eye targets for hungry newborns. It can happen during pregnancy or after birth. But it does happen all right. We're told they turn from pink to brown. Mom nipples, as it were. This impending transition can cause some anxiety for new moms-to-be. Y asks me weekly if her nipples look any different, or if her boobs have gotten any bigger. If I knew I'd wake up one day to be greeted with areolas the size of dinner plates, I might experience a teensy bit of anxiety too.
#3. A Pregnant woman's sense of smell rivals that of a Great White Shark.
Because I'm a Shark Week nerd, I know that Great Whites can detect a single drop of blood in an olympic sized swimming pool from miles away. A pregnant woman can tell if I'm wearing a sweatshirt that I wore to a diner three months ago, when I happened to eat an incredibly tasty, greasy cheeseburger. While most schnozes would only detect the faintest hint of a downy ball, pregnant women will hone in on the cheeseburger smell, buried deep within the sweatshirt's fibers. Pregnant noses should be trained to work alongside sniffing dogs at local airports, allowing them to give back to their community while simultaneously wreaking havoc on their loved ones for deciding to cook fish in the house.
#4. Having Morning Sickness is not at all like being hung-over.
People who are hung over don't rebound quickly. It's a slow transition at best, from misery to normalcy. Boozers don't often wake up, throw up, immediately eat a bowl of Raisin Bran and then talk about what's for dinner. I'm in awe at how quickly Y can go from hurling to hankering.
Over the next few weeks and months, I plan to chime in every now and then to bring you the latest. We're both so excited and (slightly) terrified for this next chapter. I hope you pop in and chime in as we discover what the future holds.