Look, I'm no Dooce. My husband isn't a web designer or programmer, I don't live in Portlandia, I don't take professional photos and I'm not witty enough to have 50 million monthly visits. I do have a 4 month old baby who does droolishly adorable things and I tend to find the hilarity in parenting. Histamatic app for iphone makes most of my pictures look annoyingly grainy, yet a few have the subtle patina of cool. I firmly believe that a glass of wine after a long day of blowouts, nap protests and sleep deprivation is better than sex. Does this make me qualified to start a baby blog, along with the gazillion other moms who think they have something important to say? Absotootley.
As I sit here, Callum is practicing his best Cirque de Soliel, able to grasp his toes with both hands while willing them into his mouth for a gummy chew. I'd like to thank my sponsor, the Target baby swing on loan from our neighbors, that has kept him somewhat distracted in 15-20 minute spurts over the past four months. It gets harder and harder to get this nugget to sleep, which brings me to a recent AH-HA parenting moment.
#1: Do not, under any circumstances, ask your parents (if they last raised children when don draper was banging secretaries) how to get your child to sleep.
I should start by saying that my mother is an incredible mother. I never felt neglected, always felt loved and supported and grew up with a healthy dose of self esteem that lead me to believe I could do or be anything I set my mind to. She raised four children, we lived with her full-time and saw our father every other weekend once they divorced. We all turned out ok, not one bad seed, no deadbeats or addicts (minus the occasional Caramel Bugles bender) so naturally I sought out her advice when it came to everything new mommy related. I was a bit surprised at how Betty Draper she was about everything. Down to the gin & tonics.
Me: We finally got him to go to sleep.
Mom: Where is he sleeping?
Me: He fell asleep in Yvette's arms.
Mom: (Silence .. followed by deep, exasperated sighing ...) You really need to put him in his crib.
Me: We've tried, he wakes up the second we put him down.
Mom: You just need to let him cry. Make yourself a drink and try to tune it out.
Me: We're reading the "no cry sleep solution" and there are other ways to get him to self soothe.
Mom: Self soothe? Give him a pacifier and call it a day. You see all of those supernanny episodes where she tries to get teenagers to get back into their own beds? They wind up sweating and staying up all night trying to break them like wild stallions.
Me: Those kids are 3 or 4, they are not teenagers.
Mom: Look - he'll cry for an hour and then he'll fall asleep. If you don't put him down, he'll never learn. He's working you. Before you know it, he's 7 years old and he's still in your bed. You're just making it harder on yourselves.
Me: He's three months old, he's not working us. Yvette is breastfeeding, so sleeping with him in the bed is easier.
Mom: He's in your bed now? You'll roll over on him and smother him. I saw it on Nancy Grace.
Me: No we won't, mom. We're very aware of his presence. I was freaked out at first and we're hyper aware. It's natural, he feels safe with us.
Mom: Why don't you let him sleep in the playpen?
Me: We don't have a playpen, we have a co-sleeper. He hates it.
Mom: I'm going to buy you a playpen on ebay. Can you tell me how I turn on the computer again?