Jersey.Girl.Genius

Carillo Goes Rogue

Oh Mary. 

Last I laid eyes on you, you were asking the Chinese to "show you their beavers" when covering Three Gorges Dam in Beijing.  And now, with the Olympics in Vancouver coming to a close, you're off playing Mountie, pretending you've never used handcuffs before, while dressed like Yosemite Sam.  I'm on to you, Carillo.  Your comfortable shoes, pants suits and blown out man-bob don't fool me. Is it me, or is Mary starting to look more and more like Bruce Jenner.  Or is it the other way around?  In my search for photographic evidence of Mary's Man-Bob (Mob) doppelganger, I came across a brilliant site called Men who look like old lesbians.  It's a must see.  Just make sure you're not drinking anything, as the choking on liquid while snorting factor is a 9.5

The NBC producers have a wicked sense of humor.  Last week, you slapped on a hard hat, shined up your Adam's Apple, donned your best plaid and stepped into the shoes of Canadian loggers.  Gosh that was thrilling.  What will they think of next?  Check out Mary's Mountie training at the link below. 

CARILLO GOES ROGUE

Mary Carillo Suspected of Doping, Fond of Beavers

Veteran sports commentator and friend to young, orphaned Chinese contortionists, Mary Carillo has been a precious gem in a sea of spandex body suits this week. Her segment on the Three Gorges Dam the other night left me speechless. I've looked high and low for a clip to post here, but to no avail. The memory of Mary burns bright, however; and I will do my best to relay it here.

Please note, for those of you who are not glued to the Olympics, Mary Carillo stood atop the largest hydro-electric dam in the world, wearing a bright yellow hard hat and briefly interviewed the lead engineer on the project. What was her question to the engineer, you ask?

How many beavers would it take to build this dam?

Not only did she say the B word, she said it twice. Enthusiastically. I'd even venture to say she was maniacally possessed by the word, as it gave her a child-like sense of accomplishment upon uttering it. The translator looked completely thrown by this one, which is why the engineer didn't have a response to the beaver jubilation. The beaver was lost in translation. I'm guessing the Mandarin or Chinese words for our beloved beaver wouldn't go over well on prime time. The literal Mandarin translation of Mary's question would be:

How many double vaginas would it take to build this dam?

Apparently it's an insult to have more than one vagina. Really? I think it would come in quite handy, to be honest. The Chinese are very traditional when it comes to their genitalia. Which is probably why The Vagina Monologues was banned in China. Can't have more than one vagina, can't have a talking vagina either. Boring.

Mary Carillo's vignette with the contortionist children was a bit frightening. She sounds a lot like Yao Ming when she talks, which does lead me to believe she's doping. How would you react if you were a four year old contortionist and a female Yao Ming was sitting next to you, asking you about beavers and back bends? Fi, Fi, Fo, Fum ...

CAN YOU DO A BACK BEND TOO, LITTLE BOYYYYYYYY?